I took some good advice from Guy and called the first assessor I took my son to see, to discuss my concerns about their apportion of blame regarding my son's current problems. I know it can be argued therapists aren't supposed to be as directive as this, but I needed to be told it and … Continue reading Does anyone tell the truth?
*Warning: medical information and could be triggering.* (Please, under no circumstances allow this account to put you off having your own health screening done. I'm sure much of what I experienced was relating to my past and will probably not happen next time.) if you have read much of this blog at all, you may … Continue reading Smear
My last two blog posts have been all about my troubles and woes (sorry readers!) but each has had a surprising silver lining afterwards, so I wanted to share the good as well as the bad. The first text is in my earlier post today (you can read it here) and was really lovely. The … Continue reading When texting works
*Warning: possibly triggering* I've really done it. 'You can't take back what is said', the saying goes. And it's true, you can't. Too many people know now. It was only supposed to be Guy and my husband. Oh, and many, many years ago my parents and a close sibling. But that's it. That's where it … Continue reading It’s out there.
Just had my session with Guy and felt no connection. We talked about my son and everything going on, and that was that. I don't even really remember much of what was said, other than me speaking of the stuff that my last few blog posts contain. Pretty much the whole double session was taken … Continue reading #36. What is wrong with me
Professionals, I think, sometimes forget what power they hold. An innocent judgement call can rock someone's boat and likewise a throwaway comment can soothe their troubles. People can feel so powerful sometimes. I want to rise above that power - is it possible? I want to be unaffected by a report that I find quite … Continue reading Powerful
I have such deep unease at the moment. My son had his initial CAMHS assessment, a 1½ hour session involving me on my own, him with me (his choice to have me present rather than be alone) and then me on my own again. I gave the background as to what brought us here, and … Continue reading Feeling trapped
I think I owe Guy an apology. Not to his face, since I didn't openly argue the toss with him, but more internally because I felt let down by something he said in a phone conversation . Only now I realise I was wrong about that. Guy had suggested husband may feel he also compromises in … Continue reading Sorry Guy!
It's taken me a few days to digest the most recent couple-family session this past week, before I could consider writing anything about it. It's been quite a journey in some respects, and although it ended with a good resolution, I still feel.. well, a little wobbly and heavy, if I'm honest. It started with … Continue reading Interpretations
I had such mixed feelings about today. But true to form, Guy managed to tease me out of myself and work with me gently, to my benefit. I woke with such a cracker of a headache this morning that I could hardly concentrate. Guy noted I seemed a bit more distant than normal, which I … Continue reading #35. Weary
I was tempted to go back and add an addendum to the last post but feel once people have read it, it's not fair to add a huge bulk at the end. It's one thing tweaking the odd typo it quite another to double its length. So I've added a part 2 instead. Part 1, … Continue reading It’s all about the children (Part 2)
I'm exploring my childhood so I can be free to deliver the best possible parenting for my own children. Or at least better than I would do if I was still wading through quicksand on my own, trying desperately to find a map showing me a good enough way through so I can avoid the … Continue reading It’s all about the children (Part 1)
I don't know why I'm feeling so cranky. I have a horrible feeling it says something not-very-nice about me. The day started off okay, I mean there was the usual busy school run and neither child seemed to really be up and at it today so it was an effort. Eldest child wailed seemingly endlessly … Continue reading Feeling cranky
True to his word, Guy began today's session recapping on the topic of last week's tarry sludge. Guy seemed to draw a connection to that sludge and me finding life is on hold between sessions, but I said I felt they were separate things. Guy asked me about the historical abuse and whether it still makes … Continue reading #34. I think I like this idea!
Number 20 on my list of bullet points Guy asked me to keep from last week's session is: 20. Not sure, but I wonder if having ‘less’ thoughts about therapy this week is because I feel I am monitoring myself and (like an insightful person suggested on my blog) there could be some element of … Continue reading I wonder.
At the end of my session last week I mentioned how I find it hard to last all week before coming in to session again. Guy responded by not offering more sessions as I hoped(!) but by asking me to bullet point lists of what thoughts are coming up between sessions each week so we … Continue reading Why does monitoring make it vanish?
Earlier in the week our son sat before a psychiatrist who determined he may show possible signs of being on the lower end of the Autism/Aspergers spectrum. The psychiatrist felt as he grows older it will become increasingly evident and suggested we may want to consider getting an assessment done if we would find that … Continue reading Labelling
After confessing to Guy in therapy this week that I am perhaps not so much over my problem with swimming as I first imagined, I had a surprising and delightful dream last night. I was in a swimming pool, it was really familiar and I felt like I'd been in this dream before. Only this … Continue reading Going swimmingly
*Sexual abuse trigger warning* The subconscious is such a complex world, isn't it. When I sat down today, Guy talked about the phone call from a few weeks ago which was our last point of contact. He asked how I felt at the end of it, saying he had the sense that I wasn't completely okay … Continue reading #33. Subconscious world
*Sorry if this seems a bit crude, this is the nursing side of me that can talk about anything at mealtimes and forgets not everyone else necessarily likes to with me! So if you are one such person then you might want to look away now* It's just occurred to me that one really good … Continue reading Silver linings